The Use of Scissors
by AddienaTheBlueSpirit
Summary: Beck dumps Jade. How does she Cope? Jadecentric. Currently a oneshot...may continue futher, may not depending on reveiws. Rated T just to be safe.


**The Use of Scissors**

"The saddest thing in the world,

Is loving someone who used to love you."

**Anonymous**

Jade closed her eyes as her makeup began to run. _Beck. _The one word on the tip of her tongue, and it tasted like the bile that was building at the back of her throat. Forced her vanity drawer open… Scissors, where were they… there, she grabbed them, pulling her hair into a low ponytail. She put the scissors just above the scrunchie, and snipped.

Beck's word's echoed in her head…_"you know why I asked you out?" _

"_No, Why?" she had replied on their first date…_

"_I thought you had pretty hair…"_

Well No more…she thought bitterly. No. Her hair was no longer the silky brown curls she had always been so proud of, it was short, and the pink and blue highlights she's once boasted had been separated from the rest and hacked off at the roots.

She still tasted the bile in the back of her throat when she updated her profile on The Slap. I hate my life. Mood: Lonely? Bitter? Murderous? No, none of those, Broken. Her makeup was now creating black racing stripes down her cheeks. Tori…She wanted to know why it was Tori. She didn't want to fight the Latina for him; she didn't even want to socially destroy her. She just wanted answers…answers from…she fought back the bile in her throat…Beck.

Yes, from Beck. Because Tori didn't know that Beck had left Jade yet. That they had broken up. God, Jade really hated that term. Broken up meant their relationship had fallen to pieces. Which it had, but Jade didn't want it to. This was the other part of why she hated it. Braking up, sounds like it just happens, that it's a mutually thing. Which this most certainly wasn't. This was all Beck's doing. Jade was still in love with Beck, she had still felt the sparks fly when she kissed him. Not Beck. He felt that the spark was fading. That this was best for the both of them. It wasn't though. It was just what was best for him.

She got a lot of calls that night, thanks to her post on The Slap. Mostly from people who wanted to help her… From Cat, Robbie, Andre, even from Tori freaking Vega. Only Jade didn't answer for any of them. Why? Because there was only one call she wanted. And that one was from Beck. Once again, the Bile in her throat was wreaking havoc on her mind. So finally she stopped fighting it. Instead, Jade went into her bathroom, and puked…or tried to. Only the bile in her throat seemed to be stuck. Beck. Beck. Beck. More Bile, no relief. Beckley James Oliver. No use. Finally she got fed up and shoved her finger down her throat…Finally sweet relief. The bile was gone and it was over…for now.

She stood up…Still nauseous, even minus the bile. "You ugly, stupid girl," said the girl in the Mirror, the one she knew couldn't be her…Jade didn't have long, colorful, curly, Emo hair anymore, and even so, her eye makeup was nowhere near as nice as the girl in the mirror's was. "You can't possibly think he'll want you back, especially now that you've destroyed the one thing he still liked to spite him! You can't believe taking away everything good about you would make him want you more!" the girl in the mirror gave Jade a nasty, hurtful, I-hate-you look. The look Jade had always given Tori was plastered on the girl's pretty face, and framed by her pretty curls.

"Go to Hell." Jade told her, and the girl disappeared, leaving Jade to face the stranger that she'd become. Her hair didn't even reach her shoulder. And the parts that had once been colored were about an inch long. Her eyes were surrounded by cascades of black eye makeup that now reached her chin.

Her phone rang again. It was Beck this time. It was finally, really, actually Beck. "I saw your profile. I want to make sure your okay." He said.

"I'll live" she replied bluntly. "Anything else?"

"I'm sorry." And he hung up.

Jade knew what he meant. I'm sorry I don't love you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry. Only…he wasn't. There was a hidden "but" in that statement. I'm sorry, _but_ I won't take you back. I'm sorry, _but_ I can't keep wasting my time with you. I'm sorry, _but_ it's over, move on.

If only she could. If only she knew how. She couldn't even hang up the phone…even though he already had. Her life was in ruins. She was shattered. And even through making herself someone she didn't know, she couldn't forget the one who did this to her…the one who threw her way like she was a piece of human trash.

Jade wished she could cut him out of her memory, like the way you see broken hearted girls just like her cut their ex-boyfriends out of pictures in every cheese teen girl romance movie out there. Only Jade couldn't even do that. Why? Because then she would have to admit that Beck was never going to come back. Because then she would have to admit that the only person she had ever cared about didn't care enough to lie to her and say he loved her back.

Her world had just collapsed She realized. More shockingly she realized she wasn't going to try and fix it. She wasn't going to move on though…not yet. Probably not even anytime in the next year. Lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling, Jade West realized that she was going to embrace her broken, shattered, empty state. Well, not embrace it so much as just let things stay the way she was.

Who needs love, she reasoned. Who needs love when the only person you allowed yourself to care for makes you fall to pieces. Jade was sure of one thing. She was not going to love again for quit sometime. Actually she was sure of another as well. She was never afraid of losing Beck as much as she had been afraid of both rejection as a whole.

That's right, Jade West was afraid of rejection, of not being good enough to be one of the greats. Beck had nullified that fear. If she was good enough to date the best looking guy in her grade, then she would have no trouble in the world of celebrities. Now Jade wasn't so sure. How could she be? Her life was in ruins…and the one person that she wanted to care was the only one who didn't…


End file.
